Opening My Heart to Literature

By: Estephanie Chavarria

I never thought I would make a connection with a book, let alone fall in love with one. Not only did I fall in love with the story, but I fell in love with the characters, the narration. Most importantly I was drawn to this book because of the emotions that flooded my mind and heart while reading it. Emotions that I never thought I could feel because of a book.

 

It all began in the Spring of 2018. For some reason I had gotten the, some might call it, urge to read a book. This was somewhat what I felt, bit there was more to it. I didn't just want to read a book, but I wanted to connect with a piece of literature that I could call mine. To understand a book on a level that others have not. To think a certain way about a quote and believe that the thought I had was untouched by anyone else. Everything I have described is something that I never thought I could achieve, until I read Eleanor and Park. I have always been a sucker for fictional novels, especially the ones that told a story about love. I have read books that contain all of these qualities but did not seem to create a bond as strong as the one I made with Eleanor and Park. 

 At first I wasn’t sure what made me fall so deeply in love with this novel.  I wondered if it could have been the way love was described. The emotional imagery that I could feel with every sense of my being. Now, I know that this is what played a major part in creating my unequivocal love for Eleanor and Park. 

“I don’t like you, Park,” she said, sounding for a second like she actually meant it. “I…”—her voice nearly disappeared—“think I live for you.” He closed his eyes and pressed his head back into his pillow. “I don’t think I even breathe when we’re not together,” she whispered. “Which means, when I see you on Monday morning, it’s been like sixty hours since I’ve taken a breath. That’s probably why I’m so crabby, and why I snap at you. All I do when we’re apart is think about you, and all I do when we’re together is panic. Because every second feels so important. And because I’m so out of control, I can’t help myself. I’m not even mine anymore, I’m yours, and what if you decide that you don’t want me? How could you want me like I want you?"

Reading this quote for the first time sent a lightning bolt through my entire body. I felt like I was awakened by a piece of literature, a quote, for the first time. I had always heard of love being something so impactful on a human’s heart. Something that can make you feel on top of the world, and yet the world is being held by a string. One sudden movement and the string can break. The feeling you had during that moment can be taken away as quickly as you had gotten it. This quote wrote out what I envisioned love was like. With its imagery, it made all of the emotions I had in the past, make sense. It makes all the emotions I have now, feel more real and meaningful.

Not only did the imagery engrave itself in my mind and heart, but also the plot was captivating. The way the story moved along was incredible. The way certain parts of the book were labeled whether it was Eleanor's point of view or Park's point of view. It truly made me feel as if I were one with the characters. It made the emotions they had, feel as if they were my own. The description of what they saw, felt as if I were there with them. When they talked about their love for one another, it was as if I were hearing those words come out of their mouth.

Another reason I made such a strong connection with this book was how the story got to its conclusion. It made me feel inspired by literature for the first time. In many other books which I have read, the climax, falling action, and conclusion all hit the same three points. The characters are conflicted on whether they like each other or if the person likes them, they realize they are in love but things get in the way of their confession, and finally they confess it and end up together. What intrigued me so much about Eleanor and Park was that its plot was different. The conclusion was something I had never expected.

“That's what people say- 'it's not good-bye' - when they're too afraid to face what they're really feeling. I'm not going to see you tomorrow, Park- I don't know when I'll see you again. That deserves more than 'it's not good-bye.'"

"I'm not afraid to face what I'm feeling." he said.

"Not you," she said, her voice breaking. "Me.” 

This is another reason why I fell in love with this book. It transfixed me in its imagery ,plot, its characters, and narration. I never expected Eleanor and Park to be torn away from each other in the end. Eleanor and Parkmade me realize that not all love stories have happy endings. 

“I just can't believe that life would give us to each other," he said, "and then take it back."

"I can," she said. "Life's a bastard."

He held her tighter, and pushed his face into her neck.

"But it's up to us..." he said softly. "It's up to us not to lose this.” 

I had never thought that I would be able to relive a thought, a memory, an emotion through a piece of literature. Because of the way this novel was written, reading these quotes still give me the same feeling it did when I first came across them. It still weighs heavily on my heart, as it did when I read them for the first time. 

Falling in love is a new concept for me. This book described it to me as if I were living it. The imagery, the plot, the characters, the narration, all of these things played a role into how a fictional story, about love, made me truly fall in love with literature for the first time. I never thought it could be done, but because of this book I want to find more opportunities that can make me feel the way this piece of literature has made me feel. I want to fall in love with the way the plot moves. I want to feel the emotions the way the characters do because of the narration. I want to feel the heartbreak the characters feel as they say good bye, because that means that it is also time for me to depart from the emotions, the thoughts, the connections I had made while reading. The only way I can rediscover these thoughts, opinions, mindsets, are until I flip through the pages once again. I never thought I would miss the way this book made me feel. Because of Eleanor and Park I am in search of another book that will open my eyes the way this book did. Not only did it open my eyes, but it opened my heart to literature.